Still Here
by Wootar16
Summary: "To leave is not the same as being left." Little bit of Mate and little bit of Salex


OWEN

**_"How about the way your brother will walk by your door every morning and convince himself that you could still be there, just sleeping in your bed."_**

He couldn't remember what happened, or even when it had happened. It must have been early because his alarm for school hadn't gone off yet.

All he could remember was a banging on the bedroom next door to his own, followed by his mothers terrified screams and his fathers quick demands to call 911, he would imagine the older man had already started the futile attempted at CPR.

The doctors told them she had died from a lack of oxygen to her brain, it was supposed to make them feel better he realized but it didn't. It made him feel worse. Not because there was ever anything good to come from finding your only sister hanging in her bedroom, but because he knew it meant that she was alive, her neck didn't snap which would have killed her instantly but instead she have slowly suffocated, unable to call out for help and unable to change her mind about whether or not this was really what she wanted.

It was two months ago, or at least that's what people told him. He had lost track of the days, hours, and minutes long ago. His father had left them, unable to stay in the house where his little girl died, his mother on the other hand refused to leave the home that meant so much to her daughter.

He would walk past her door every morning and night on the way to the bathroom, her name still written in the colourful blocks she had insisted on putting up when she turned four, he remembered painting them with her which was why the 'h' 'Katherine' was blue while all the others were bright pink. Even though she had said she hated it, she never re-painted it.

Every morning he would walk by that door, and every morning he would do whatever it took to convince himself that she wasn't gone. That she was fast asleep on the other side of her door, or she had slept over at a friends house, or that she had left for an early morning run, or on a date with her boyfriend. He disregarded anyone who talked about her in the past tense. Using 'was' instead of 'is'.

He knew none of it was healthy but the idea of his baby sister, the one he swore to protect and look after for the rest of his life, was gone - that was an idea he didn't want to even comprehend. So he didn't.

ALEX

**_"How about the way your best friend will sob for weeks, in her showers, in her bedroom, in the bathroom at school."_**

Alex sat in the school bathroom, tears steaming down her cheeks at an unstoppable rate. No matter what she did they would stop.

She was always surprised that she still had tears to cry, that they hadn't dried up, or that she wasn't dead from dehydration. She could barely walk into her English class anymore, where she spent so much time laughing with and teasing her friend.

She had refused to let the teachers take the lock from Katherine's locker, she had to leave it there as a reminder, to know her friend wouldn't leave her like she had promised.

She heard the door to the senior bathroom open and shut but didn't bother to look up. She didn't have to because it didn't take long for the strong arms of her boyfriend to surround her shaking form.

He held her silently, knowing more than to try to make her feel better. No amount of words he spoke would ever be able to do that for her.

She clung to him desperately, like a small child who clung to their mother when they tried to walk away. She didn't want Sean to leave her, and she wished beyond anything that Kate hadn't.

"I don't know what to do." She whispered out, her voice cracked and chocked up with tears. It was one of the only things she had said in weeks.

"You don't have to." Sean promised as he kissed her forehead and continued to rock her in his arms.

She felt like she could never stop crying, and knew she probably never would stop. She was either in tears, closed off, or lashing out. She lashed out because it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that her friend was gone and everyone else in the school continued like she was never there. Homework was still assigned, tests were still written, and projects were still handed in.

She wanted the world to stop, she wanted HER world to stop. So that she didn't have to deal with faking smiles and saying she's "been doing better" when in reality all she's been doing is saying those words and then sprinting from the classrooms in tears, sobbing and crying while everyone acted like she would get over it herself.

Her teachers had stopped trying to comfort her, her parents had stopped consoling her, and the school therapist told her to move on. She was overwhelmed and tired and she wanted it all to stop. Sean was the only one there to hold her as she cried, and he wouldn't leave. Not even when she was yelling and punching him, leaving fist shaped bruising on his chest. He would hold her tight, refusing to let her believe she was alone. She wondered if one day it would be enough, right now it seemed like nothing would ever take her pain away.

MICHAEL

**_"How about the way your ex-boyfriend will come over and pull your clothes from the drawers and cry while he holds them desperately to his face to breathe in what's left of you."_**

He would push open her bedroom door, looking around that room that had changed since the last time she had seen it. The bed was unmade, a few pairs of socks that her mother could never bare picking up were left on the floor, and a few clean shirts were left draped over the back of her desk chair, waiting to be hung up in the closet.

He let his finger tips skim the top of the laptop, walking to her bed and sitting on the edge of it. He gazed around the room with periwinkle blue walls and a blue carpet that covered the ground. His eyes caught sight of the picture that rested on her bedside table. The delicate wood frame incased the image of them from their first date, that her mother had insisted on taking. It felt like yesterday he was holding her in his arms, telling her that he planned to spend the rest of his life with her.

He stroked his thumb over her image as he did his best to think back to the last time they were together, attempting to pin point the image in his mind. He realized it was probably at the end of the day, kissing her and saying he would 'see her tomorrow'. The whole thing was a blur because when he was experiencing that moment he never thought it would be their last.

With one hand he placed the framed picture back on his desk while the other pulled open one of her drawers. Maybe some people would find it weird, maybe it was weird but it was the only way he would feel closer to her.

He pulled out the peach coloured tank top she would wear to bed, or with her powder blue sweatpants and clutched it close to his chest, tears falling down his cheeks in silence at an alarmingly fast rate. He curled up in her bed, holding her shirt and pillow close to him, trying to breathe in what remained of the grapefruit body wash and rose perfume that combined to make the scent that was distinctly Katherine.

He wanted it all to be over, all the tears, the pain, the looks of pity he got when he walked through the halls. He just wanted her to be back in his arms and he knew he would never let her go. He wanted to hear her say she loved him, just one last time; that's all he wanted.

He hates himself for not helping her. He hates that he wasn't able to tell she was hurting, and maybe if he had he would have been able to do something to help her. He hates that he just assumed they would have the rest of eternity together. When you make plans to spend your life with someone, you never take into account the fact that their life may be significantly shorter than your own. He knew Katherine wouldn't want him to blame himself, she always did say he was too hard on himself but none of that mattered.

He had texted her phone that night, and was still waiting for a response; he didn't even know if she had read the simple text that read: _Goodnight, love you babe_. A part of him wished she had, so that she knew he loved her more than anything, but a part also hoped she hadn't because that would just reinforce the idea that he wasn't enough for her. That even if she had read the text she still decided to do what she did because she decided that having him, and Alex, and her brother, it wasn't enough; and maybe it was never enough.

_No matter what we think might happen it never does turn out that way. Owen moved out to go to University but never connected with a friend the same way he did his little sister. He got a girlfriend but she would never understand the hole that had been ripped in his heart. Alex never made new friends, not one she could call her sister at least. She and Sean eventually finished school and got married, naming their daughter Katherine when she was born with light hair and bright blue eyes that reminded her so much of her best friend. Michael never moved on. He never found a girlfriend, never got married, never had a family of his own. He finished his degree and moved back to his childhood home, looking across the streets at the house that had changed his life in the best and worst ways. His parents pleaded with him to move on, to live his life, but a life without Katherine wasn't one he wanted to be a part of. Life had torn him to shreds, and the only person who would ever be able to put him back together died 50 years ago._


End file.
